12 Pravidel pro život
Kniha je velmi psychologická, filozofická, ale i nápomocná por určité zdokonalení sama sebe. Pokaždé, kdy jsem si přečetla název každého pravidla jsem si řekla, jo tak to mi bude asi jasné, ale autor se velmi zabředává do každého pravidla a vysvětluje ho poměrně detailně a z různých úhlu s kapkou historie a věcí, které mi v angličtině byly zprvu nejasné.
Myšlenky, které mě u každého pravidla zaujaly:
Rule one / Stand up straight with your shoulders back
Alcohol and drugs are most rewarding when you have been deprived of pleasure for a long time- the medication causes the disease - it is a positive feedback loop (eg. alcoholism). The key is in delaying gratification, and having power over it.
Kids who cry more, are bullied more often. It is important to realise we all have a monster within, naive people are shocked when they discover a dark side within them- in severe cases ptsd. Assuming all histories terrible perpetrators were people totally unlike themselves. If we don’t realize within us the capacity for oppression and bullying, we can’t expect to find the capacity for assertion and success either. If you present yourself as defeated, others will react to you as losing. Be strong for yourself, and let others find strength in you.
Rule two / Treat yourself like someone you’re responsible of for helping
People are better at filling and properly administrating prescription medication to their pets than themselves.
Before the dawn of the scientific worldview, being was understood as a place of action, not a place of things. Three constituent elements make up the world of experience. Chaos is the domain of ignorance itself, unexplored territory (neprozkoumané území). Order (prozkoumané území), by contrast, is explored territory. The two most basic subdivisions of being itself. The third is what is known as consciousness (vědomí) and it’s the process that mediates between the two. We see what things mean just as fast as what they are.
Most men do not meet female standards, females rate 85% of men as below average on dating apps. It is for this reason we have twice as many females ancestors as males. This proclivity to say no has shaped evolution the most. Women have been making men self conscious since the beginning of time (Eve giving apple to Adam), they do thing primarily by rejecting them, as they bear the primary burden of reproduction.
Rule three / Make friends with people who want the best for you
Freud described a “repetition compulsion” - an unconscious drive to repeat the horrors of the past when they weren’t dealt with accordingly (náležitě nakládáno). People will embrace (přijmou) their own suffering so they can brandish (ohánět) it as evidence of the world's suffering. It’s the easiest path.
Associate with people whose lives would improve if yours did - and not become jealous.
Rule four / Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone is today
We must leave home and confront the chaos of our individual being, we must dare to be dangerous. Dare to be truthful. Dare to articulate exactly what you want, don’t let the voice within be a tyrant. Aim small at first, change one of the hundreds of decisions you make in a day, be better than yesterday even if it’s by a single decision, in 3 years you’ll be a different person. What you aim determines what you see. Don’t be blinded by your desires. We must first pay before we get what we want.
Rule five / Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them
Thoughtful parents wouldn’t let someone they truly cared for become the object of a crowds contempt. Genghis Khan is the forefather of 8% of men in central Asia. Sigmund Freud said “A man who has been the favourite of his mother keeps for life the feeling of conqueror, that confidence of success that induces real success”. A persons private trouble cannot be solved by social revolution.
Individuals become more peaceful as societies become larger and more organized. It is wrong then, to attribute all violent tendencies of human beings to the pathologies of social structure.
Children get damaged when their “mercifully” inattentive (milosrdně nepozorní) parents fail to make them sharp, observant and wake them up from an unconscious undifferentiated state. They want their friendship and are willing to sacrifice respect to get it. The assumption that rules hinder children’s creativity is wrong, they actually facilitate creative achievement (usnadňují tvůrčí úspěch)
Tato kapitola mě velmi bavila a opravdu mě nutila myslet nad každou větou. Samu mě velmi zajímá téma rodičovství a jaký dopad má na dítě, když ho maminka v útlém věku například nechová a jaká traumata si odnášíme z jejich výchovy. Co vše to způsobuje a ten fakt že jsme nadosmrti “omezení” tím, že na nás táta jako malé křičel je šílený a často si to ani neuvědomujeme.
When parents don’t discipline and strike at them at a random time later, the telling off is then, not of right proportion and the child is left confused and learns nothing. A big cut off is the age of 4, a kid will have trouble making friends forever if he has not learned to behave.
Rule six / set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world
Abuse dissipates over generations, evidence that good dominates over evil in the human heart. The gulag archipelago exposed the whole pathological system of communist tyranny to the world. Success makes us complacent, we forget to pay attention. Don’t reorganise the state until you have ordered your own experience, have some humility. If you can't bring peace to a household, how dare you try to rule a city?
Rule seven / Pursue what is meaningful (not what is expedient)
Socrates’ decision to accept his fate allowed him to put away the mortal terror in the face of death itself, he let life go gracefully. We must discover meaning so profound that it protects us from the fear of death itself. Once you understand true pain, you realize how to produce it in others. It is a great virtue then, that people who faced terrors remain peaceful. You must meet who is in charge at the very bottom, of the most wicked thoughts. PTSD is developed due to something a person does, not seen.
Rule eight / Tell the truth- or, at least, don’t lie
When you don’t know what to do, tell the truth. Pride is thinking you know all there is to know. If you will not reveal yourself to other, you cannot reveal yourself to yourself. As Freud believed “repression” = psychické potlačování contributed to development of mental illness.
Rule nine / Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t
Psychotherapy is not advice. Advice is given when you’re talking to a person about something horrible and difficult and they wish you would go away, when they want to revel in the superiority of their own intelligence. If you weren’t so stupid, you wouldn’t have your stupid problems. Psychotherapy is genuine conversation - exploration, articulation and strategising. It’s amazing what people will tell you if you simply listen. People need to talk, it’s how they think. Don’t transfer your own biases and unresolved problems to the patient/friend. Freud never faced his patients. You can be pretty smart if you just shut up. Most people can't listen. Don’t judge prematurely, and people will tell you everything they are thinking. Dialogue is how a brain organizes itself, if their story goes untold, they lose their mind.
Rule ten / Be precise in your speech
The limitations of all our perceptions of things and selves manifest themselves when something we can usually depend on in our simplified world breaks down. When you are betrayed, the perception of the other person is changed but that's only half of the problem, the theory of yourself changes too. No one finds a match so perfect that the need for continued attention and work vanishes.
Rule eleven / Do not bother children when they are skateboarding
When someone states “*I stand for this!*”, ask “*What then do you stand against?*”. If you cant understand why someone did something, look at the consequences - and infer the motivation.
Men who hate women usually start with hating men, in consequence, themselves.
Men and women are equal, but different. Men’s interests tilt toward things, women’s towards people. Scandinavian societies, where gender-equality has been pushed hardest, shows these differences the most. It is not the patriarchy, it is biology. Girls aren’t attracted to boys who are their friends. The women at female-dominated institutes of higher education are finding it increasingly difficult to arrange a dating relationship of even moderate duration - they must settle for a hookup. It’s being labeled as “sexual liberation”, but data shows it’s terrible for the girls. A long term relationship is wanted by both sexes, but more deeply desired by women. From 1997-2012, the number of women (18-34) who said marriage is one of the most important things for them rose from 28% to 37%.
Rule twelve / Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street
Tajfel’s studies showed people marked a preference for their assigned ( random and arbitrary) groups. People are social *and* antisocial, they are only social because they like members of their own group.
If you pay enough attention, even on the worst days, you may be fortunate enough to be confronted by a small opportunity of this sort, like a cat approaching you. That gives you a reminder for just 15 seconds that the wonder of being might make up for the ineradicable suffering that accompanies it. (zázrak bytí může nahradit utrpení, které jej doprovází)
Co jsem si odnesla?
Jedním slovem WOW, miluju tyhle knížky a zas po nějaké době mě kniha opravdu bavila. Je zde opět mnoho příkladů jak se chovat k lidem kolem sebe, ale i na pracovní bázi a v týmu. Hlavně jsem si vzala poznatky ohledně rodičovství a až příště uvidím na ulici kočku, pohladím si jí. Uvědomila jsem ti také, že musím opravdu porovnávat jedině s mým minulým já, zasmát se svým minulým strachům a poučit se z nich.
“A man’s worth is determined by how much truth he can tolerate” -Nietzsche