The art of communication

I struggle a lot with saying what I mean with a calm temper. Usually I let the words cook in my frustration and let out all I want to say  when it’s completely burnt and disgusting. Burnt food is not good for your body or even for taste, nobody wants it. So, I wanted to learn how to let the words out, when they are just right. 

Do I know the right recipe for expressing my needs in a calm manner?

First let me give a proper introduction of  the author. Thich Nhat Hanh was a Vietnamese Buddhist Zen Master. He became a monk at the age of 16. His work mainly focuses on mindfulness and how to integrate it into daily life. He established the largest Buddhist monastery in Europe -Plum village France.

Now that you know the background of the author, you are now set in the picture of where the principles I will be writing about comes from - Buddhist teaching.

Where does the ability to listen starts from?

Let me remind you again, where things usually start - It starts from you, darling. When you listen to yourself, you love yourself - that is how you know, how to listen to others and love them for who they are.

There are 10 practises from buddhism for right speech. I will be writing down the ones, that want to include in me daily life:

1. Don’t lie - I think that this one is obvious, but just in case - If we lie, we have to put extra effort into remembering who we lied to, what we lie about and much more.  That's a waste of our energy, that we can put into something else.
2. Don’t Exaggerate - Say it as it is. 
3. Be consistent - Interpret one situation to everybody in the same way. When you say it differently to everyone, they can get lost in what the real point is.
4. Use peaceful language.
5. Use language that others will understand. - Use terms that they are using on their daily basis.
6. Listen with compassion and understanding. - Hear the person out, like you want to ease their suffering. 
7. Help people understand. - Say your point of view, share your story, say why things are happening. 

Mantras

1. I am here for you.
2. I know you are there and I am very happy. - use it when you are truly present, after you say the first mantra. With the 2nd mantra you are acknowledging that the person is truly there)
3. I know you suffer and that is why I am here for you. (when you notice the other person is suffering)
4. I suffer, please help me. (Very hard to use because of our pride. When we are suffering, we tend to isolate  ourselves. This mantra is so powerful and can help us create a room for being understood)
5. I suffer, I want you to know I am doing my best, please help. (Let’s share happiness and suffering together.)
6. This is a happy moment. - (Be mindful of the beautiful moment that you are spending together.)
7. You are partly right. I have weaknesses and strengths in me. (When someone praises you or criticizes you.) You can accept their feedback by saying - ,,You are partly right, there are also other parts of me.”

How am I planning to use these practices?

Thanks to the feedback I've been receiving. I notice that a lot of people from my team don’t know what is going on in my life and are confused whenever I share a piece of information. It’s because I am not saying things clearly and with enough context. I want to clear out all misunderstandings by sharing the context with everybody, so that everybody is on the same page.  

When giving others feedback I want to ask them why they acted the way they acted. Instead of labeling and saying you are doing this and this. I want to know what is happening - if I can help you with getting better or just to know how you are working things out. 

For better listening on our Training session. I want to use the mantra - ,,I am here.” Just to place myself into the present moment.

Honestly I listened to the audiobook yesterday. But somehow, I feel more  aware of my surroundings. It felt easier today, to be open to hear others suffering and just to be more mindful of my own thoughts.