Esej na knihu
Never Split the Difference
Chriss Voss, Tahl Raz
Never Split the Difference is a book full of techniques and tricks on negotiation. I bought this book on the train station of Amsterdam thinking with all of the changes connected with moving there and starting a new job and new relationship in general,it could be very useful. Only while reading it I realized it is the book spoken of so many times in TAP - Nikdy nedělej kompromis.
So why to never split the difference? None of the parties can be fully satisfied. When you try to split the difference you usually end up somewhere in a lukewarm middle ending up with something that is not what you originally wanted but find acceptable. What we usually say is “better than nothing”. But is it really? This book tells you how to reach what you want without having to make compromises.
I was a little bit skeptical about this book at first, thinking it is about some hardcore negotiation, stepping over everyone, leaving your opponent dry. What surprised me was that it is about getting closer to the person on the other side, breaking the walls between the two of you. It is hugely about empathy, listening and observing.
So what are some of the techniques about?
Mirroring is very useful at the beginning of negotiation when you want to create rapport. It helps establish connection with the other person and gives you some time to process the information coming from them. In practice you should repeat two or three of the last words they used. Not heavily agreeing with them, more of posing a calm question.
Labeling is about verbally acknowledging the other side's feelings or positions. It goes without them explicitly saying it first, so this one looks somewhat risky for me. In reality, if you label negative emotions they dissolve. If you label positive emotions, they amplify. When you start noticing some concerns, fears, worries, you should address them. This part is a bit scary for me since I always try to be careful to not touch anyone in a bad way. But for a successful negotiation it is important and can be a real ice breaker.
Don't be afraid of hearing no. In fact, be afraid of hearing an immediate yes. People often give you an easy yes to get rid of you. So whenever that happens, be careful. When you hear a no and explore it with the person, you make them feel more comfortable as they have established their position and they can lower their guard. And there comes space for you - to swoop in, show understanding and offer a solution to their pains.
These are the ones that struck me the most. I was quite surprised with the whole essence of the book and with what Chriss Voss teaches the world about negotiation. Emotional intelligence and active listening - soft skills that are very respectful towards other human beings and something we all should thrive for throughout our lives, whether in a professional or personal life. So the knowledge I gained here has another dimension for me. Once again, it is proved for me that people want to be understood, listened to and they crave establishing real connections. No matter the field, no matter whether it is your uncle, your employee or a possible client. This is something that connects all of us, all the time.
