My hair got longer and blonder. My skin got darker. My feet are full of cuts from walking barefoot. But I love every single bit of it.
I can’t really recall what I have been doing this month. Nothing exceptional, just living…. I dont know what day it is. Time blends in. I completely separated myself from my university life.
I work at wake park, I try to go skating on a ramp, at wakeboarding. If I have a day off, I just go surfing. The only thing that worries me is, if the swell is going to be good and which wave I can take. - How perfect does that sound? I mean, I do all of these things, but between them, also a lot of thinking and feeling. (Sometimes also drinking.)
I thought a lot about what I want.
I know I feel alive with this way of living, but I also acknowledge I have responsibilities. I played with the thought of just leaving everything and continuing like this. Find a job in the mountains and snowboard whole winter. I wanted to be free like everyone else here. No strings attached to school. But than I thought, maybe instead of looking at the things I am lacking, I can concentrate on the advantages I have thanks to my university….. In away I am actually the freest I have ever been… And on the other hand, I should not compare myself to others, especially if they are way older. I have my own timeline for everything and experiencing such a thing is a privilege to me.
I feel rich.
I discovered I have spent more money than I wanted. I was angry with myself. But than I thought… I have everything I need, even more. I am actually the richest I have ever been. Beach. Sun. Surf. Wake. Skate. Fresh fruits. This makes me happy. Not money.
People come into my life for a reason.
Every once in a while, someone makes me feel angry, embarrassed or any other uncomfortable emotion. I can be mad about it, but I rather choose to learn from it. I can never control their actions…but “Why did I let them treat me like this? Why did I react this way?” I try to understand myself better and set my boundaries.
Surfer mentality.
“When surfers ride a wave, they enjoy it as much as they can, even thought they know, eventually, the wave is gonna crash over them. But they dont care, because they know there will always be more waves coming.”
I will remind myself until I have it written in my brain so deeply I won’t worry about things and people leaving. Until I am patient with life.
Endless potential.
“Pretty obsessed with the fact that my potential is endless and my ability to grow is infinite.”
It sounds extremely powerful, almost unachievable, but actually so simple. Just continue to always seek new adventures and use them to gain knowledge. I dont ever want to loose my curiosity and drive for learning. I think it is what makes me feel the most alive. When I learn a new skill or I explore a new thing. That’s what makes us human. Knowledge being passed on.
Perspective of life.
I have also explored new perspective of life. I sleep in a wooden house with holes in the walls. Sun wakes me up, because we have no curtains. I walk barefoot everywhere, because shoes became uncomfortable. I shower 2-3 times a week, because I swim in the ocean or pool everyday. I eat each of my meals outside. I wash and brush my hair only when it starts forming into dreadlocks. I sit on the floor, anywhere. I climb the rocks and swim naked. GIPSY LIFE. It is a very easy life. I will miss being connected with nature, when I come back to living in a city… I need to find may connections through wide streets and high buildings again.
Emotions.
Being here makes me experience roller coaster of emotions. Everything hits 10 times more powerful. I still dont know why. But. I am trying to acknowledge my feeling. Name them and act according to what’s best for me at that moment. For me, not for others. I dont want to push my, limits.
Comfort zone.
“For the learning to start, we have to step out of our comfort zone.” But I have realized, “For u to process the learning, we have to be in our comfort zone.” And being here, it was hard to find it. Until about two weeks ago, I dont think I have rested here at all. My supposed to be comfort zone, my room, didn’t feel like home at all. I ignored everything, but felt a bit exhausted. I only realized when I moved to another house. Warm, wooden, small but cozy, with windows. It felt the armor protecting me, fall off my body. Seek for your comfort zone, until you can actually rest. I think, for the first time in my life, I am learning how it feels to be okay with doing nothing sometimes. Ho it feels to simply REST.
Movie recommendation: Lucy
Book recommendation: Atlas of the hearth
